The Cat's Me-OW!
by bassocontinuo
Summary: During a routine shore leave, Dr. McCoy runs afoul of some strange alien tech and is transformed into a cat! Hilarity and hijinks ensue when the good doctor turns to a certain green-blooded crew member for help - a crew member with a special affinity for cats.
1. Part 1: Captain's Log

**The Cat's Me-OW!: Part 1**

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Star Trek is the property of Gene Rodenberry.

…

**Captain's Log: Stardate 5944.6.** We have had a difficult time aboard the Enterprise since the unfortunate events on Idyzk IV. Morale is depressed which is should be expected all things considered, but it weighs heavy on me nevertheless. Not only because it has affected my crew, but there is the matter which I, and I alone, am personally responsible.

We arrived on Idyzk IV to investigate reports of growing hostilities in the northern hemisphere and try to negotiate peace between the indigenous people there. The situation had escalated past the point of peace talks, but as usual, we tried anyway. We observed racial prejudices there on a scale last documented during earth's 20th Century. Warfare, mass internment... it was brutal. A ceasefire was achieved eventually, but only through means of intimidation. The weapons of the Enterprise can be a formidable tool in negotiations. I regret more peaceful measures were so ineffective. It was rash and I suspect I will face an inquiry when we return to civilized space. At the time though I was...blinded...by anger which brings me to the reason for our all our sadness.

Minas, a young adolescent who served as a guide to the landing party. His death will haunt me for some time. I am sure of this. It was on my orders that we stayed to pursue peace talks and in the meantime, Minas was captured and killed before we could execute a rescue. For this I am responsible.

His death has hit Mr. Spock hardest of all. He will no say it, but I can tell. The boy was of mixed heritage, and for that reason he was put to death - an abomination to both of his peoples.

Spock has grown...cold since Idyzk IV if Vulcans are capable of such emotion. He spends more time alone in his quarters or apart from the rest of the crew in a corner of the recreation room with one of his datapads. Furthermore, he and Bones have had...difficulties lately. Words that were once received with patience and forbearance are now only barely tolerated. I worry about an altercation between my senior officers.

I have decided to change course from our present heading. I think some shore leave will do us all some good, and as it happens, I know the perfect system to make even the most unhappy Vulcan smile.

I hope...

...

Author's Note: Just as a heads up, subsequent chapters will be in traditional prose style. I don't want anyone thinking it'll be all Captain's Logs; this just seemed like a good way to get the ball rolling.


	2. Part 2: An Unexpected Turn of Events

Authors Note: I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed. I never expected such a great response to such a short chapter. You guys gave me a lot to think about. I'm so excited about this story now. I hope the prose-style lives up to your expectations!

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Star Trek is the property of Gene Roddenberry.

...

**The Cat's Me-OW!: Part 2**

"Captain, might I ask what we are doing here? While we are not under orders to speed back to Federation space, I think that command would like your report sooner as opposed to later." Spock said again as he sat on a log looking completely bored. It was just beginning to irritate Captain Kirk. _Dammit man, I'm trying to do something nice for you. Can't you at least look just a little bit interested? _

"Mr. Spock," Kirk said rubbing the bridge of his nose to ease his headache, "We are on a mission to explore other planets are we not? That's just what I intend to do if _some_ _people _would put in a little effort into it." His words were also directed Doctor McCoy sat who sat on Spock's left, fanning himself with a large leaf while looking absolutely miserable.

"Well you could have chosen a world with a breeze, Jim. It's hotter than Vulcan here."

"That is an exaggeration, Doctor, as you know from experience. Vulcan is easily twenty-five degrees warmer at this time of year."

"Please, don't remind me. I'm just glad that Pon Farr happens once only every _seven years_. It'll be another four until I have to go back to that sandpit. Unless you're planning on actually killing Jim this time. If so, let me know ahead of time so I can just stay up on the ship."

Spock crossed his arms. "You sound very certain that you'll be around in four year, Doctor McCoy. Based on our history aboard the Enterprise and penchant for getting mixed up in various life-or-death scenarios, your odds of survival are very low. By my estimation you have only a one-in-three chance of living that long, Doctor."

"Then there is a God." McCoy said.

"The belief that a supreme being is-"

"Gentlmen!" Kirk finally snapped cutting Spock off before he could break into a logic based argument about metaphysics. "Gentlemen," he said more calmly and forced Spock to scoot over so that he could sit between them. "Look, I brought you two here because I thought we could all use a bit of fresh air, and also because one of the things the Federation would like us to do, is to study the progress of these under-developed planets. This planet is very pleasant if you'll give it a chance. I came here once as a young Lieutenant. That was many years ago, but I still remember it. The flora here has a lot of medicinal properties and beauty," he said looking at McCoy, "and the people are equally as...fascinating. I thought you might both like to study them."

Spock raised an eyebrow. Kirk's word choice was meant to indicate that this decision was for Spock's benefit at well. Kirk hoped that his reaction meant that Spock had realized this as well.

"So then," Kirk said and clapped his hands together, "can we be one about it? If everything checks out maybe we can bring some of the other crewmen down in small groups to stretch their legs before resuming our trip. We could all use some time to unwind, I think."

"Fine." McCoy grumbled.

"Affirmative, Captain." Spock said calmly.

The three of them hiked up a hill towards a primitive structure. Five pillars stood at the top of the rise carved from a solid black stone. As they grew closer, the landing party realized two things: that the stone was not opaque and that the pillars bore a strong resemblance to a domestic earth creature - a cat.

"Is this some sort of human joke, Captain?" Spock said staring up at one of the cats.

Kirk slapped his first officer on the back. "Not at all, Mr. Spock. This civilization worships cats and knowing that you had a fondness for the creatures, I just thought you might find it interesting. That's all."

"They are similar to the ancient Egyptians then. Hmm." Spoke placed his hand on the reflective surface of the glass sculpture. It seemed to Kirk a soft gesture.

Kirk leaned against one of the statues and frowned. '_Hmm'_ was not the reaction he had hoped for. What did _'Hmm'_ mean? "That's all you have to say?"

"What more would you like to hear?"

"Well I don't know, Spock, usually with you everything is either fas-"

"Fascinating!" McCoy shouted with eerily prudent timing. "Jim! Spock! Get over there!"

Kirk and Spock rushed to McCoy's location ready for a fight, but the doctor was in no clear danger when they arrived. McCoy knelt at the paws of the largest cat. In each hand he held a bouquet of flowering herbs which had been left as offerings to the cat goddess.

"Bones. Is everything okay?"

"You weren't kidding about the flora here, Jim." McCoy said shaking the yellow flower in his left hand. This is Verdonian Rose, an extremely rare flower, but damn if it can't be ground down into one of the best anesthetic in the galaxy. And the stuff is just laying all over the place! Discarded. Why I bet these woods are just filled with the things. Amazing."

"What's the purple one?" Kirk asked.

"Catnip." McCoy smiled.

Kirk and McCoy began laughing. Spock twitched an eyebrow which was good enough; however, all at once the Vulcan's face grew cold. There were subtleties about his countenance, a slight furrowing of his brows and tilt of his head, communicating to Kirk that his first officer was concerned by something. "Captain. Doctor McCoy. Do you hear that?" Spock said at last.

"What kind of question is that? I don't know if you've noticed, Spock, but you're the only one with those remarkable large elephant ears." McCoy grumbled and tossed the catnip on the ground.

"What is it Spock?" Kirk said hoping to direct the conversation away from the impending spat between his first officer and chief medical officer.

Spock was silent at first, diligently analyzing the possibilities. "Distress." The Vulcan charged forward at a run.

The two humans followed the him - taking a set of stone steps down the hill. At the bottom of that hill, they found a young woman lying naked on the ground besides a brown satchel. Spock reached her first.

"She is alive, Doctor, but not quite coherent. She drifts in and out of consciousness, but I believe she was trying to reach the temple."

"Perhaps seeking sanctuary?" Kirk asked.

"That would be a logical conclusion to make, Captain, but I cannot be certain until she can testify to the truth of it."

"Thank you, Spock. Now kindly move over and let me make my own diagnosis." McCoy said and began scanning her vitals with his tricorder.

"What's wrong with her Bones?"

"I don't know. The scanner's doesn't have enough information on her species's physiology to make an accurate report. She's running a pretty high fever though, poor thing. A young girl like this, left here like this, it's just terrible."

"Do you think she was assaulted?"

"It's possible."

"Gentlemen, we best be on our guard in case whoever did this comes back." Kirk said and scanned the treeline for movement.

"I'd like to beam back up to the Enterprise with her. I can't do much for her here."

"We can't, Bones. The Prime Directive..."

"Jim, I can sedate her. She won't remember a moment aboard the Enterprise. When she's stabilized, we can beam back down here to this exact spot and I'll give her the hypno.

Kirk nodded and slipped his communicator off his belt. "Very well. Kirk to Enterprise. Enterprise come in."

"Scotty here, Captain."

"Scotty. Four to beam aboard. Send a medical team to the transporter room."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

"Kirk out."

The landscape began to blur and a charge shot through his body as the transporter locked onto their location. Beaming up did not hurt, but in all his years of service it was not an experience Kirk could say he had grown entirely comfortable with. It was a relief when the familiar grey walls and platform of the Enterprise materialized in front of him and the feeling of weightlessness left him.

He helped McCoy carry the unconscious woman to the stretcher. Nurse Chapel covered her with a blue sheet for privacy before she and McCoy escorted their patient out of the transporter room.

"I'm sorry we had to cut our visit short, Mr. Spock. I had hoped to afford you more time to study the culture."

Spock straightened to attention. "That is quite all right, Captain. Perhaps when we return the young lady to her home there will be occasion for further investigation."

Kirk smiled. "That's the spirit, Mr. Spock. Fancy a game of chess in the meantime?"

...

"Is there anything else I can do, Doctor?" Nurse Chapel said as she adjusted the pillow behind their patient's head.

Doctor McCoy finished washing his hands at the sanitation station. "No. I think we've done all we can for now. She'll be okay. She just needs to rest now."

"Very well, Doctor. I'm going to get a bite to eat. Can I bring you anything?"

The old country doctor smiled wide. "Why I'd love a Hot Tody, Nurse Chapel."

"Doctor, isn't it a bit early?" She said sticking her hands on her hips disapprovingly.

He laughed, but he did glance over her shoulder at the time display on the ship's computer. _Early? It is already mid-afternoon. _"I'm only joking."

After the door to sickbay closed behind Nurse Chapel, McCoy's smile fell away. "Hah, if that was a joke then I'm a Vulcan." He grumbled and walked to the bedside of his patient."Now that was a joke," he said to the girl. "Can you just imagine how I'd look with those pointy ears? Ridiculous. Bah. Look at me blabbering on like this. I should let you get your rest."

McCoy turned down the lights and moved towards the exit but accidentally bumped into a table in the dark. The woman's satchel fell to the floor, open, and something that sounded like glass skittered across the floor. He chased after it lowering himself to his hands and knees and crawled through the shadows towards the sound.

Finally his fingers wrapped around a smooth, cold surface. He held the object up towards the emergency lights over the doorway. The object was a glass pendant hanging from a leather cord. It was fashioned from the same smoky, glass-like material as the statues on the surface of the planet, and it too was shaped like a seated cat.

"What's this?" He asked aloud as he squinted at it. The light was absolutely terrible for an examination, but as he twisted the accessory back and forth, McCoy was struck by how any light, limited as it was, seemed to catch in the nooks and crannies of the figure's fur. "Beautiful," he whispered.

When the light passed over the cat's eyes, there was a sudden and blinding flash. McCoy felt the world lurch upwards as if he were in a free fall.

All at once McCoy was surrounded by a large swath of blue fabric. He could not see. He could barely breathe, but he heard something that sounded like glass bounce across the floor of the Enterprise

He kicked, spat, and clawed his way to freedom. Yes..._clawed. _

It was impossible - seriously the most ridiculous thing that had ever happened. Doctor Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise, stood on all fours on the floor of sickbay, transformed into a cat.

To his credit he did not freak out...immediately. There could only be only one logical cause for this._ Blasted alien artifacts. Now where was that damn statue?_

Fortunately the lack of a decent light source was no longer an issue for him. With his enhanced feline vision, McCoy spotted the statue easily. It had rolled underneath one of the beds. The black eyes of the cat statue stared at him lifelessly. It no longer looked alive sitting in the shadows.

McCoy padded over to it. He pawed at it, hissed at it, finally pleaded with it although his words came out only as a series of pathetic meows. This was a right pickle he had gotten himself into.

His ears pricked up. There were footsteps approaching sickbay. McCoy rushed over to the door and waited impatiently as his tail twitched back and forth.

Nurse Chapel walked through the door briskly with a tray of food in her hands. She jumped upon seeing the strange cat in the medical ward. Her glass of water tipped over; its contents spilled over the lip of the tray and landed squarely on the good doctor.

McCoy lept into the air and with a hiss and darted into the hall.

"Easy, kitty. Here kitty, kitty, kitty." Nurse Chapel chooed and set her tray on the floor. She walked slowly towards McCoy crouching low to the ground.

_Nurse Chapel! It's me, your superior officer!_ McCoy said but what she heard was "Meow, meow, rwrar, meow."

_This was impossible. _How was he going to get through to anyone like this? Wait...there was one individual aboard this ship that was smart enough to see through this illusion, and if he wasn't, then McCoy fully intended to bite Spock's shins until he drew green blood.

...

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Please leave a review if you have the time. Your thoughts help me to get better.


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